Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
