so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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