Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
