Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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