you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize