so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
