Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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