Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
