theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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