So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You dont lie about slip and slides
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
