I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize