I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
