I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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