I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
