that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
