ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
