dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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