I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
