; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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