We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
