Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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