I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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