so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
