I am in a vortex of obligation.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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