its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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