areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That reminds me...we need to get swords
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
