Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
