Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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