Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
