It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You smell like stripper and shame
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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