Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Those nachos came to me in a dream
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
