Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
