What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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