He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
