I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
