is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
