I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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