Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
