I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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