My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
