I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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