oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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