ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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