I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
