We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
