my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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