Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
