sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
