we made out on top of his cat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
