Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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