is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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