My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
