I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
