sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
