you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
