having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
