Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize