Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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