my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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