Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
