I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
