Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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