Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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