drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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