Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
